Reality is, this life is all yours and you can indeed do whatever the f*ck you want with it. You could fly to space in a rocketship, swim with sharks, travel to every single country on the planet within a year if you really wanted to. So what’s stopping you? And how come most people can’t even bring themselves to quit a job that they hate let alone do the things that make them happy? Read on for 13 principles that will help you escape the rat race AKA the matrix by giving you some perspective on how to live a life worth living:
1. You don’t actually have to do anything
Maybe growing up it didn’t really seem like an option at the time; so you listened to the people older than you and diligently did as you were told. You would get dressed, go to school, eat the food you were given and play when you were permitted. When you got a bit older maybe you listened when they told you to go to university, or get a career, or even buy a house and start a family. Maybe you came to accept that this was all life could and would be for you – a mildly happy relationship, a mildly stressful yet bearable job that provided a mildly decent income, and some happiness from day-to-day mixed with mild anxiety and depression that too was bearable, with some holidays thrown in here and there until the day when your savings would accumulate enough for you to retire and actually start doing the things you want to do.
Not gonna lie, it felt like I was projecting while writing all that. Relatable, no? Anyway my point is – you might not have felt you had a choice growing up for lack of knowledge, but now things are different. Truth is, you don’t actually HAVE to do anything at all! You can choose to do none of that! There are no obligations or limitations whatsoever apart from the prison bars you self-erected in order to keep yourself in a mental cage. Let this new reality gradually sink in for you, because if you have searched for this article then chances are, you are probably someone who is miserable because you can’t seem to believe yet there are other ways to live apart from what you have known your entire life, and that freedom is already yours once you choose to grasp it.
2. You MUST pick the highest version of your self
Notice I left a space between ‘your’ and ‘self’, this is because you actually have the power to choose who you want to be in every present moment. Think about it this way – there are endless versions of one’s ‘self’. Within all of us is the capability to love, humor, empathize, learn, and on the other end of the spectrum, hate, despise, resent, even murder. This is why you will notice that people act differently depending on the circumstances they are placed in: they have the ability to be outgoing and professional at work; loving and caring around their family and friends, unstable and toxic in incompatible relationships; and even depressed and suicidal when confronted with a triggering situation.
Once an individual comes to realize that there is every opportunity available right in front of them and that there are no limitations to the possible paths they could take or versions of themselves they can express, it is easy to become overwhelmed by this sense of freedom. To escape the rat race or metaphorical jail cell is just the beginning; what follows is discomfort of having too many options and perceived fear of choosing the wrong one. To remedy any doubt you might have when deciding how to act or what choice to make, simply ask yourself:
“What would the highest version of myself do?”
The entire goal of life is to reach one’s greatest potential. This is the only path to freedom and true lasting happiness. It is an everlasting happiness because the goal is one that will indefinitely evolve each time you achieve one facet of it. When you make choices that align with your highest self and truest values, you can never go wrong. However, neglect your heart’s desires or ignore your intuition and you are guaranteed to feel regret after making your choice, whether it is an instant sense of deep internal pain or one that surfaces near the end of your life, regret is sure to follow when you dishonor the wants and needs of your highest self.
| Activity | Highest Self | Lower Self |
|---|---|---|
| Choosing a Career Path | Aligns with passions and values, takes risks for fulfillment. | Settles for stability but lacks fulfillment, avoids risks. |
| Handling Relationships | Communicates openly and honestly, fosters a healthy connection. | Engages in toxic behaviors, harms relationships through negativity. |
| Self-Care and Well-being | Prioritizes mental and physical health, makes choices for overall well-being. | Neglects self-care, indulges in harmful habits detrimental to well-being. |
| Navigating Tough Decisions | Chooses aligned with long-term goals and values, accepts short-term discomfort. | Opts for the easy way out, sacrifices long-term happiness for immediate comfort. |
| Contributing to Others | Engages in acts of kindness, empathy, and generosity. | Self-centered, indifferent to the needs and well-being of others. |
| Living Authentically | Lives true to values and desires, unapologetically being themselves. | Conforms to societal expectations, lives a life misaligned with true self. |
3. Love without conditions and you cannot fail
This principle applies to all relationships, whether romantically, familial, platonic, or professional. To love others unconditionally means to accept them as they are and have no expectations of them. Accept that you are responsible for fulfilling your own tasks and your own happiness. Appreciate and find gratitude in the privilege of simply coexisting with others and being in their company without the need to change or judge them. When others feel an air of acceptance and non-judgment around you, they are bound to reciprocate positive energy. If you were to take the effort to find out what someone else is needing; whether that is self-importance, feeling listened to, cooperation in tasks, or assistance in making their lives easier, and you help them with this while expecting nothing in return, you will find that in times of need you will be provided for in turn.
In the context of romantic relationships, individuals struggle to get what they want when they fail to remember that true happiness and fulfillment of one’s needs lies only within them and not externally or within their partners. Relationships become a ticking time bomb when there is an expectation for the other person to change or do as one says. The only requisite for a successful long-term relationship is that both partners love one another unconditionally, regardless of each individual’s changes and self-development as people nor what paths they choose to take in life. To re-iterate, it is enough to co-exist and appreciate that another person makes the conscious choice to be in your company and accept you as you are in the present.
4. Know when to take yourself seriously
We should never mistake life itself for being too serious, and poking fun at our friends when coming from a place of endearment can serve to make bonds stronger through acceptance of each other’s flaws. However, we need to draw the line at poking fun at ourselves when we start to believe the negative things we say. Maybe you have big dreams you want to pursue in life. Maybe you are passionate about a hobby and want to start taking it seriously. Maybe you want to change your career or study path but feel doubtful in your abilities. As a general rule, avoid self-deprecating humor if you have not come to terms with the fact or are not 100% certain the topic matter no longer affects you.
When you start to make fun of yourself for wanting to reach your highest potential you are doing more harm than good. You essentially start trolling yourself and create conflict between the heart and mind; the heart is your intuition and serves to direct towards your desires, in other words, it is the compass pointing you towards your goal; meanwhile your mind uses knowledge relative to your environment in order to draw a map for you to get there. Any negativity or self-deprecation originates from the mind as the result of things you have heard before, perhaps in the form of discouragement or humiliation you have been subjected to in the past, or instances in society where you have heard something along the lines of: ‘it’s not possible for someone like that to achieve something like this’; ‘You’d have to be born rich to have a chance at being successful’; or ‘those are unrealistic career goals’.
If you are being made fun of by someone else for wanting to achieve goals and become your highest self, DO NOT LAUGH ALONG. Have the self-respect to take yourself seriously at times like this because it is no joke that you can have anything you want in life if your heart is set on it. The greatest joke of all to play on yourself would be to live according to the dictates of others and die without ever reaching your potential.
5. ALWAYS choose love over fear
If you ever reach a fork in the road, which undoubtedly you will, then never question the answer. Simply choose love over fear and feel assured you are heading in the right direction. Let it be clear that love for yourself should be prioritized in all situations, since you can only live for you and it would be a disservice to the world around you if you did not fill your own cup so that you could offer only your best to others when you have a surplus. Here are some examples of how you can apply this to daily decision making:
| Example | Choose Love | Avoid Fearful Choices |
|---|---|---|
| Relationships | Listen actively to your partner’s concerns, seeking compromise. | Avoid defensive reactions or blame, fostering open communication. |
| Career Choices | Pursue a career that aligns with your passion, even if it means changing fields. | Avoid staying in a job you hate due to fear of instability. |
| Personal Growth | Enroll in a challenging course or workshop to enhance your skills. | Avoid staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure or rejection. |
| Setting Boundaries | Clearly communicate your needs to friends or colleagues, respecting your own limits. | Avoid people-pleasing behavior, driven by fear of rejection or conflict. |
| Dealing with Criticism | Accept constructive feedback graciously, using it as an opportunity for improvement. | Avoid getting defensive or avoiding criticism out of fear of inadequacy. |
6. Make ALL relationships horizontal
Inspired by concepts mentioned in The Courage to be Disliked, a book written by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi; this principle states that we should aim to avoid vertical relationships and cultivate horizontal ones instead. Vertical relationships are defined by a hierarchy or pecking order whereby one individual’s worth sits higher on the scale while the other person is beneath them. In contrast, horizontal relationships state that both parties are on equal footing without any sense of inferiority or superiority. All relationships should be horizontal with the opportunity for both people to state and accept or reject each other’s opinions freely, regardless of age, occupation, ability, or career status. Keeping this in mind, even a child has the right to speak their mind on equal terms with an adult considering their perceptions are of no lesser value.
When applying this practically, you may be met with confusion, particularly from those who have long been indoctrinated into the matrix and hold the expectation that others should view them highly based on social standing; simply ignore any comments they make suggesting you are anything other than equal and continue to interact with them on equal grounds. It will not take long for the both of you to adapt and continue the relationship with more meaning and connection than before.
7. Evoke the version of people you wish to see
This ties into the fact that within all of us is the capability to love, humor, empathize, learn, and on the other end of the spectrum, hate, despise, resent, even murder. Every single person you meet has a collection of masks hidden within them and the ability to choose any particular disposition that suits their needs at any given time. Knowing this gives you the power to evoke the version of people that you wish to see. It is always beneficial to get along with people in general because this helps you to seamlessly integrate into society and be within reach of opportunity and assistance when needed.
To elicit friendliness and co-operation in others, simply offer it to them first without any expectation of it being returned. Even if some people do not warm up to you instantly, continue to show grace anyway. Do this to every single individual you meet. It is not enough to feign friendliness at times when you need something because this will appear disingenuous. Turn this into a character trait for yourself and watch the outer world make way for you to succeed as its intentions align with your inner state of being. In other words, offer unconditional love and warmth to everyone you encounter and you cannot go wrong.
“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”
― Hermes Trismegistus
8. ALWAYS look your best without exception
Despite what you may have heard, it is far from superficial to look your best. It is superficial to place looks on a pedestal and it is arrogant to compare your appearance to others; however, intention lies at the heart of everything we do, and when tending to your appearance you should intend to give yourself the utmost respect and abundance of self-love. Self-grooming and maintaining personal hygiene is a display of one’s self-worth and inner confidence. It is no wonder then, that society seems to place an emphasis on physical attraction; for this is merely a reflection of someone who sees the value in both their emotional and physical state and deems themselves worthy of investing the time and effort to be the best version of themselves.
Attractive outer appearance is an accumulation of the level of care and detail you show towards yourself, along with good intention and warmth you radiate towards others. In contrast, someone who is vain or unattractive may appear aesthetically pleasing however by placing their own outer appearance on a pedestal while neglecting to develop other facets of themselves, and establishing vertical relationships with others through comparison and perceived superiority, they radiate an energy that creates hostility and repels those around them. To emphasize, striving to become your highest self both emotionally and physically is attractive and further reinforced through the display of unconditional love.
9. Find your purpose within, not without
The most successful people on earth are those who stubbornly follow their path regardless of conflict or disagreement from society around them. The reality that is kept from most people is the fact that every single individual possesses within them a singular divine path or purpose that leads to one’s fullest potential. Alternatively, there are an unlimited number of paths that lead to distraction or compromise which results in a tolerable level of contentment or along some life lines, no contentment or happiness to be found whatsoever. Some people claim that happiness does not exist within them; is not meant for them; or that they don’t know how to find it. The truth is people do, in fact, know what they need to do or at least the next step they need to take in pursuing a life that leads to their greatest potential. The reason they deny what they know they have to do is due to fear. It is fear that keeps them from looking for answers within: fear of failure also known as fear of disapproval; fear of success also known as fear of discomfort and change; and fear that they will lose the identity they have built founded on cowardice.
As stated, you only need to look towards your intuition to feel out the direction you should take in life. It is likely something you have thought about wanting to accomplish for a long time but have repressed the idea after labeling it ‘unrealistic’ or have simply ignored the longing for fear of disapproval from others. Perhaps as a child, you wanted to become a teacher, firefighter, policeman, astronaut, musician or actor. Growing up you may have heard opinions such as; ‘that job won’t make you any money’ or ‘that would be too difficult’ or ‘you aren’t smart enough’ which caused you to lock your dreams in a cage and stifle them down the deepest, most inaccessible chambers of your heart. If this is the case for you, like many others, then it is time to awaken to reasons why you must rise above this kind of lower-level thinking:
- If you have been told that pursuing your dreams is foolish, then consider how truly foolish it would be to die after living a life limited by the opinions of other people.
- Any negativity or doubt expressed by others is a reflection of their own inner state. Understand that their doubts are not a reflection of your capabilities but rather a projection of their insecurities – this law has NO exceptions therefore do not take ANY negative comments personally.
- If a certain career or goal has been accomplished by someone else, it’s proof that it is possible to achieve. Consider that every achievement was once uncharted territory. All things currently existing were discovered or accomplished for the first time.
- There is no need to fear failure because failure is not a step backward. Failure is a checkpoint along the linear path to success. In fact, failure and success are just opposite points on the same spectrum and you cannot have one without the other.
10. Whether fast or slow, kill the self you despise
Some people have identified themselves in society as sickly, weak, unintelligent, uneducated, lazy, or unattractive individuals for so long that breaking out of this persona can seem daunting and uncomfortable. Many do not realize that they have the choice to become a different person at any given time. According to Buddhist doctrine, we are fated to experience a constant cycle of life, death, and rebirth until such a time when we escape the cycle through attaining enlightenment – also known as the inner state of peace and wisdom. You can, in fact, be reborn during each waking second if you chose to – this is akin to shooting the ego and immediately adopting a new identity or emerging as your alter ego. If you are sick and tired of the person you are now, then simply adorn a new persona that helps you attain your goals. Many people encounter mental resistance at the thought of change due to fear of unacceptance from others and feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or shame. To remedy this, I suggest:
- Temporarily detaching from the people around you if you are concerned about their judgement
- Changing your work or living environment to one that radiates positive energy, makes you feel inspired or motivated
- Implementing small changes daily to allow a gradual transition into your new identity to reduce discomfort
| Self-Identity | Detach Temporarily | Change Environment | Implement Small Changes Daily |
|---|---|---|---|
| Unhealthy Habits: | Pause socializing with friends who encourage unhealthy choices. | Stock your kitchen with fresh produce and eliminate processed snacks. | Start with a 5-minute morning stretch and gradually replace one meal with a nutritious option each week. |
| Cultivating Strength: | Step back from friends who undermine your fitness goals. | Transform a spare room into a home gym with weights and exercise equipment. | Start with a 2-minute daily workout routine, gradually increasing by the minute. |
| Boosting Self-Esteem: | Take a break from beauty standards on social media. | Decorate your personal space with affirmations and positive images. | Incorporate a skincare routine and practice daily self-affirmations in front of a mirror. |
| Procrastination Cycle: | Detach temporarily from social media and entertainment. | Organize your workspace with a focus on minimalism and functionality. | Set a specific daily goal and create a reward system for completing tasks on time. |
| Financial Responsibility: | Pause spending time in environments that encourage impulse buying. | Set up a designated budgeting area with financial goals visibly displayed. | Begin by tracking daily expenses and gradually introduce saving strategies, increasing the savings rate over time. |
11. There is only you and no one else cares
Consider you are alone in a room and there is nobody else around. In this instance, other people essentially cease to exist in your present reality. If you are experiencing feelings such as anxiety, depression, unease, worry, or fear in this situation, then these opinions must be a product of your own mind. Regardless of what you might have heard in the past, if you were to isolate yourself right now, then you are completely liable for your thoughts and any unhappiness you experience. For perspective, notice that a large majority of the time you do not possess a care in the slightest regarding the lives of those around you. When somebody achieves a victory, it is usually noticed for a split second in the history of time, and less frequently their story is passed down as a legacy. When somebody aims for their goal and publicly fails, it might feel as if the weight of the entire world were pressing against them for a split second until time inevitably pushes them down to the bottom of the relevance pile once again, where attempts of immeasurable others also lay.
As quoted in The Courage to be Disliked, any existing problems we have are interpersonal ones. If other people did not exist, we would have no comparison and therefore no reason to be unhappy. However, we would also be deprived of the richness and depth that interpersonal relationships offer to our life experience. Practically speaking, if you are in an unhappy state of mind and being and wish to change your situation, consider being alone until there is no longer any external influence impacting your ability to be aware and feel motivated to pursue the path of becoming your highest self, in other words, your purpose.
12. Ask WHY to find truth amongst falsehoods
Intentionally or not, as we progress through life in modern society, we are told a countless number of lies and falsehoods. Unfortunately, we are not necessarily told how to differentiate a lie from a truth, and so many individuals continue to live less than complete lives due to the barriers erected by words of deception; words such as ‘You need this product to fix (insert problem you didn’t have to begin with),’ or ‘The best path in life is to obtain a degree and work in a corporation’.
To find truth, look within. Words of truth will never conflict with your heart or instinct, while lies serve to evoke a sense of insecurity and hesitation. Here are some examples of lies and truths commonly heard in our daily lives, many of which are subtle enough to remain undetected by our subconscious unless we were to shine a spotlight on the topic and consciously question WHY things are the way they are:
- The Perfectionism Trap in Social Media: The pressure to present a flawless image on social media platforms can lead to the editing and filtering of photos to meet unrealistic beauty standards, contributing to body image issues and low self-esteem among users.
- The Cult of Productivity: The emphasis on productivity and efficiency in the workplace can lead to the glorification of overwork and the normalization of burnout, perpetuating a culture of presenteeism and neglecting the importance of work-life balance and mental health.
- The Romanticization of Mental Illness: The portrayal of mental illness as glamorous or romantic in media and popular culture can trivialize mental health conditions, perpetuating harmful stereotypes.
- Low-Fat Foods and Seed Oils as Healthy Options: Misleading health claims around low-fat foods and certain seed oils being portrayed as healthier options can contribute to dietary misconceptions and contribute to the obesity epidemic.
- Concealing Pay Rates in Work Culture: The practice of concealing pay rates within workplace cultures perpetuates wage gaps and makes it challenging for employees to advocate for fair compensation, fostering an environment of inequality and secrecy.
13. Have discernment
In other words, be EXTREMELY picky. Picky with what foods you allow into your body, the quality of company you keep and entertainment you consume, the type of job that you work, and needless to say, the partners you choose to be intimate with. In line with always looking your best, showing discernment is a sign of self-love, and having the ability to reject anything that does not meet your standards is an admirable trait. Contrary to the belief that being easygoing or people-pleasing makes you more likable, people only respect those who respect themselves. Therefore, have the courage to make requests or say no on your own terms and release the need for validation from others. No matter how much external approval you receive, your self-perception will remain unaffected unless you allow change to occur from within. This ties into a post I wrote on the topic of taking responsibility: Good News! Everything is Your Fault – How to Stop Hating Yourself and Fix your Life.
Disclaimer:
The views expressed in this blog post are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher. The content provided is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. Readers are encouraged to consult with appropriate professionals before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this blog post. The author and publisher disclaim any liability for any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly, as a result of the use or reliance on any information contained in this blog post.
