New year, new day, new hour, new second, new minute. You don’t have to wait a year to decide on a new you because in the lens of Buddhism we are constantly being reborn in each waking second. I would however, urge you to recollect the lessons you have learnt along the way in rebuilding yourself after overcoming challenges. After putting behind what is unnecessary, here are some lessons I have retained that may serve as a reminder for you this year.
1. Don’t take things personally
If someone directs negative remarks toward you, it’s crucial to recognize that these words have traversed through a complex layer of filters within their own mind. These filters are shaped by their past experiences, emotional imprints, and deeply ingrained beliefs. What they express verbally is, more often than not, a projection of their innermost thoughts and emotional landscape. Hence, understanding that these words are more about their internal world than a true reflection of your worth or character can help you navigate such encounters with resilience and self-assurance. Remember, you can always choose to ignore someone else’s negative projections or internal struggles and trust your own opinion.
2. Don’t make assumptions
This is one we are all guilty of, and it’s a common cause of many relationship problems. For example, I am currently working through a tendency to avoid communicating with my partner out of fear that they will respond negatively. In doing this, I am inflicting pain on myself without them even knowing and creating a false sense of negativity where there is, in fact, no basis rooted in reality. Making assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. It’s essential to foster open communication, clarifying intentions, and avoiding unnecessary assumptions to build healthier and more trusting relationships. When in doubt, ask for clarification rather than assuming the worst and I can guarantee you that in opening up and being vulnerable, the person you are trusting your feelings with will highly appreciate it.
3. Detach and accept
Everything is temporary whether we like it or not. Our partners, friends, family, even our careers – they all undergo changes and eventually pass on from this life. This is the only way to love without codependence and appreciate the good in things without the need to possess them, practicing detachment allows you to navigate relationships and life changes with grace, appreciating the beauty of each moment while avoiding unnecessary suffering caused by excessive attachment. Let your partner, best friend, even your own children live their own lives without the need to control them. It is enough to coexist alongside someone, supporting and appreciating their growth. See them as a beautiful flower in the garden that you can appreciate through observation and in the company of, but do not entertain the need to pick the flower and therefore assert your control over it. Afterall, true happiness and peace come from within rather than relying on external validations or circumstances.
Definition in a Spiritual context
detachment
noun
- Detachment refers to the ability to maintain a sense of inner calm and emotional equilibrium regardless of external circumstances. It involves letting go of excessive attachment to material possessions, relationships, and outcomes, recognizing that everything in the physical and emotional realm is transient. Detachment doesn’t imply apathy or indifference but rather a state of inner freedom from being overly affected or controlled by external factors.
4. Only do the things you want to, that benefit you
If you have grown up in an environment with adults who have repressed your needs and projected their own shortcomings onto you in the egotisitic form of beratement or anger, then like me, you may have developed the tendency to people-please as a mechanism to safely navigate your situation. If you are reading this then you are ready to leave your innocence behind and regain the power to only do as you please, at all times. This has nothing to do with inconveniencing others but rather everything to do with respecting yourself first and foremost. You only live your own life once, to live according to the wishes of anyone else would be a great waste.
5. People love it when you have boundaries
Paradoxically, as we cultivate self-respect and establish healthy boundaries, we often find ourselves receiving greater appreciation. If you tend to be a people pleaser, consistently adhering to others’ demands regardless of your own needs and desires, they may perceive you as accommodating but undervalue your time and energy. Consider this scenario: wouldn’t it be more gratifying to know someone chooses to spend time with you willingly rather than out of obligation? In contrast, individuals with people-pleasing tendencies might feel compelled to be in your presence even if they don’t genuinely enjoy it. Expressing clear boundaries and opinions not only fosters authenticity but also enhances your overall appeal.
The Takeaway:
- You don’t have to wait a year to implement change, in fact you don’t even need to wait a day
- Everything someone says reflects on them and not you, so don’t take anything personally
- If we all communicated to each other rather than act based on our assumptions the world would be a much much better place
- Everything is temporary, accept this and enjoy people and moments without trying to attach onto them or possess them
- Only do things you want to do. Period.
- People want what they can’t have and they love when you have boundaries, because no one knows what the fuck they are doing so anyone who is sure of themselves and has a sense of direction is automatically 100% attractive
Disclaimer:
The insights shared in this article are based on personal experiences and reflections. They do not substitute professional advice. For specific guidance, consult qualified professionals. The author is not a certified therapist or spiritual teacher. Readers should use discretion and consider their circumstances. The article aims to inspire self-reflection, and the author disclaims responsibility for adverse effects resulting from the information’s application.
