We all want the same things in life: Money, Love, Health, Attractiveness or something real similar, whether we like to admit it or not. The reality is we can have it all, as long as we play our cards right. Some people call it manipulation; personally, I like to call it ‘influencing’ or ‘fine-tuning’, but who cares because either way, this advice works. Here are some reminders to help you play the game and interact with others in a way that benefits you:
1. Shut up and listen up
Never talk too much. Listen and observe. Generally people who speak too much are compensating for something and no one takes them seriously. So keep your mouth shut and when it is your time to talk, think carefully about the words you are going to say. In terms of reputation, you will seem much more credible, and people will respect what you have to say more since your words radiate the power of intention behind them.
Also, have you ever been in a conversation where the other person continuously divulges everything about themselves and asks no questions in return? In a situation like this, no matter how thrilling the topic of conversation may be, you will find that these people make dull company. Because the reality is, we all love to talk about ourselves and feel the most fond of those who are able to show genuine interest in the things we are saying. If you can remember someone’s name, digest and repeat the information they are telling you without expecting them to reciprocate the same level of attentiveness, be assured they will find you enchanting, perhaps even without fully realising why.
2. Get what you want by giving the other person what they need
Let’s be honest. You don’t really care about another person’s well-being that much unless their presence somehow correlates with your own wants and needs. Selfish much? That’s okay because we are all selfish. If you aren’t sure what the other person needs, then assume they could use some respect and self-importance because who doesn’t. Here are some real-life examples of how to do this:
| Thing you want: | How to get it by appealing to someone else’s needs: |
| Time off work | Do: Tell your boss you want to take some leave from work so that you can work more effectively the next month to benefit the company Do not: Complain that you are tired of working and need a vacation |
| A proposal from your partner | Do: Continue to be a good partner to them and communicate that you are ready for marriage, do this once only Do not: Constantly nag that you want to get married, thereby turning your partner off by putting excessive pressure on them |
| Your boyfriend to buy you stuff | Do: Tell him he is really good at choosing gifts, handbags etc. and express happiness and grattitude when you receive things from him Do not: Demand he buy things for you or act entitled |
| Your girlfriend to cook for you | Do: Compliment her cooking, tell her it makes you happy, do things that make her happy Do not: Tell her she has to cook for you or get upset if she doesn’t |
3. Relinquish control to have it your way
This is another secret to getting what you want. When you interact with others from a place of neutrality, also known as equilibrium or calmness, you create the optimal environment to bring forth your desires. Observe how arguing, being defensive, or forcing someone’s agreement is always met with resistance. Although the conditioned state of the mind might insist that you must fight to have things your way, on the contrary, giving up control and moving along with the flow of energy around you is the fastest and most effective way to get what you want.
It is a common misconception in today’s society that we must work hard to labor and toil to build a successful life for ourselves. It is a great lie that we need to fight for survival. Life is, in fact, very easy. The hardest part for most people is believing they have the choice to live a free-flowing and abundant life. The most simple yet difficult solution is to simply choose to follow the path free from suffering and anxiety, fear, and struggle. Let me give you an example of putting this into practice:
Situation:
You wish to go to a certain destination; however, your family has a different place in mind. You try to convince the group to follow your plan; however, you are met with disagreement. The further you try to enforce your point of view, the less everyone else wants to engage with you. The situation begins to escalate into an argument. You receive negative energy from those around you, and whether or not you have it your way, you wish the trip would end early.
Alternative flow:
If instead, you show an understanding and strive to see the positivity in everyone else’s point of view, you would be thinking on the same wavelength. In this state of mind, there is no resistance, and any communication would not lead to discord. From an optimistic point of view, you can communicate your idea and be received positively with an open mind. In the worst-case scenario, you are not met with conflict from others. In the best-case scenario, your family meets you halfway and is more motivated to accommodate your needs by putting your destination as the next goal on the list. You enjoy the trip regardless.
4. Give love unconditionally and people will do anything for you
Unconditional love is rare. Acceptance of others as they are is also incredibly rare. If you possess the ability to love unconditionally, then rest assured that you will be provided for. First of all, what does unconditional love even mean?
In my definition:
Unconditional love is love that is free from conditions, expectations, and attachment. It is love without possession nor the condition of being loved back. For example, think of motherly love: A mother who loves unconditionally will raise her child to adulthood and expect nothing in return. When the time comes, she will let her child become an adult and leave the nest. She is accepting of her child despite all their flaws and insecurities and does not demand that the love and attention be requited.
The ability to genuinely accept and nurture someone is so powerful that the only response you can receive from them is a positive one. How can you use this knowledge to your advantage? If you aren’t sure what people want, then assume it is unconditional love and acceptance; presence without judgment. If you can allow someone to feel comfortable and be themselves, then you open them up to connection and mutual agreement. Keep in mind; however, that any air of forcefulness or desperation or expectation of reciprocated love undermines this concept, and that in order to fill someone else’s cup with love, one must have a surplus themselves. This leads us onto self-love and boundary setting.
5. Set boundaries out of love for yourself
Before you can acquire things such as admiration or devotion from others, you must first learn how to acquire basic respect. Note that I say acquire rather than demand respect, for a good reason. You might think to yourself, ‘What kind of world is it we live in where basic human respect is not a given?’ and although every individual is indeed deserving of respect, unfortunately for those whose cups are half empty, they are unable to project anything towards others other than a lack of love and respect for themselves. To perform self-loathing or inflict self-harm is the worst act one can execute, however, we need to confront these situations with compassion. After all, if you came across a helpless child who knew no better than to project violence as this was all they had ever been exposed to, wouldn’t this automatically invoke a sense of compassion?
If you are reading this article, then you can consider yourself an individual who is capable of self-awareness and change, and I urge you to set boundaries for yourself. Healthy boundaries based in self-love include:
- Turning on Do Not Disturb outside of work
- Excusing yourself from an event if you aren’t feeling well
- Not accepting a job that does not recognize the value of your time and skills
- Declining a favor without feeling the need to explain yourself
At the end of the day, people will treat you the way you expect to be treated, and if you are confident that you deserve no less, then those who lack this ability to see it within themselves will look up to you. This is natural because we tend to gravitate towards people who portray the traits we most desire. I would argue that it is essential to love yourself and prioritize yourself above all else. We are given one life to live, and to live according to the dictates of someone else would be a great waste.
6. Become the most attractive person in the room by making others feel important
Truth be told, no one likes people solely for the attribute of their physical appearance. On the contrary, physical attractiveness alone can breed envy and contempt by evoking a sense of insecurity in others. Physical attractiveness alone is easy to cultivate. It is simply the accumulation of self-grooming and personal hygiene, self-expression, and confidence; all of which are encased by the umbrella of self-love. If physical attractiveness is combined with the internal characteristics of gratefulness, humility, generosity, and most importantly, sincere regard for others, then one will become the most likeable version of themselves to others wherever they go.
The reason for this is because in order for someone to take the attention away from themselves and have genuine interest in others, they will need to have a sense of innate confidence and excess of love and energy to give away. On the other hand, someone who is insecure is more likely to seek external validation and become an energy-absorbing vacuum to others, parallel to a vampire or black hole. In short, people are attracted to and place in high regard any individual who is in a secure position themselves and capable of providing value to others in the form of self-worth and importance.
The takeaway
We all only care about ourselves until we are able to receive the things we want from others. Whether that is attention, affection, validation, and whatnot, all these attributes are linked to the core essence of unconditional love. We also become more fond of others when we can see ourselves in them, and vice versa. Therefore, the art of getting what you want from someone else is rooted in the continual energy exchange of giving and receiving and becomes more effective the purer your intent.
Disclaimer:
The views and advice expressed in this article are for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional or legal advice. The content is based on the author’s personal opinions and experiences. Readers are encouraged to seek professional guidance for their specific situations. The author is not responsible for any consequences resulting from the implementation of the suggested strategies. Additionally, the use of terms like ‘influencing’ or ‘fine-tuning’ is intended to convey positive intentions; however, readers are encouraged to interpret and apply the advice responsibly and ethically in their interactions with others.
