How To Get Your Crush To Like You Back – It’s Not What You Think

If you have ever had a crush on someone, then I’m sure you can relate to the following physical symptoms: cheeks red, head hot, throat stuck, voice stuttering, mild awkwardness, and hands clasping. I know you can’t seem to help admiring their otherworldly presence, but if you experience any of these signs when interacting with your crush, or maybe you have trouble even glancing at them from a distance, then you are coming off as needy, clingy, and obsessive regardless of your intention. To have a fighting chance at getting the one you want, you’ve got to do the complete opposite. This is how.

1. Stop admiring them

When we idolize someone, we put them on a pedestal; we place them in a high-rise apartment where they can live rent-free in our heads and ever out of reach. By creating a vertical relationship; that is, one where there is a hierarchy and one person looks down on the other, we are essentially telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough for them. Furthermore, by focusing solely on the other person and admiring how their qualities would be a good match for us, this is actually quite a self-centered approach that will push them further away. So how do we draw the other person closer?

2. Focus on them… By working on yourself

You draw the other person closer by forgetting about them and working on you. Sounds counterintuitive, but by solely focusing on you, achieving your goals, and becoming more physically and inwardly attractive, you are both:

a) Taking them off the pedestal

b) Appealing to what they want in a partner by being the highest version of you

Essentially the goal is to create a horizontal relationship (this is how we should aim to build all our relationships) where there is mutual exchange without a power dynamic. It is easy to see how someone who maintains their physical health, enjoys taking care of themself and looking their best, and is knowledgeable about things they are passionate about can appear attractive. On the other hand, a person who neglects to work on themself while seeking the validation of others is going to reflect their internal insecurities as external unattractiveness.

3. Once they stop becoming a priority you are ready

Many people make the mistake of looking for another person who will fix their problems, bring them happiness, or magically appear to pull them out of a dark hole and bring meaning to their lives. This is opposite of how you should be thinking. Only once you come to realize the following will you be ready for a relationship (at not a moment before):

  1. Only you can fix your problems
  2. Only you can let yourself feel happy
  3. You are already enough and complete

The reason being that when you stop looking towards others to bring you fulfillment and place yourself and your well-being as a priority, you will start to live on a horizontal plane and realize you are on just the same footing as anyone else, including the person you wish to bring into your life. Once you start to radiate inner confidence and extend to others the same love you hold for yourself, you will no longer need to try. At this stage, you will automatically attract potential partners into your life, and whether or not it was the person you had in mind to begin with will be irrelevant. If things progress with them, it will be no surprise, but if not, then you can expect the universe to introduce someone even better, since the one who arrives will resonate on the same level as you.

4. Once they arrive, do this

Say you meet someone; what happens now? Maybe you’ve read all the pick-up line forums and watched some relationship advice videos on YouTube and are now finding it difficult to retain let alone practice the plethora of strategies which you’ve been told work best in the dating game. I’ll make it simple for you. All you need to do is be genuine and make the other person feel good. Be genuine by being yourself (go back to Step 2 and work on yourself more if you aren’t confident yet) and make them feel good by:

  1. Listening without interrupting
  2. Showing genuine interest (shouldn’t be hard if you’re into them)
  3. Giving them genuine compliments (if you think they look nice today then tell them that)

Too often people tell me they overthink things, for example, ‘I wanted to compliment them but I didn’t want to come off as desperate’ or ‘I remember they said their ex was unattractive when they did such and such so I didn’t want to look the same’. What is wrong with being genuinely kind or complimenting someone? It only comes off as needy or desperate when you have ulterior motives, such as the goal in flattery. If you are confident in yourself and you are not interacting with someone just to receive external validation, then nothing bad can come from something good. If your intentions are pure, that is, then you have nothing to worry about.

5. Realise you never had anything to lose

We always tend to have the worst-case scenarios going through our heads rather than thinking about what we want to happen; such as thoughts like ‘What if things don’t work out?’ or ‘What if I fail and get rejected?’. Here are the remedies to these thoughts:

  • If it doesn’t work out then that means you are meant for someone else
  • You had nothing to lose and everything to gain in terms of experience
  • Rejection or failure is not a step backward but rather a step towards receiving what you want

Come to accept that things will work out either way. It is the fear of rejection that makes you look like a loser and not rejection itself. If you give someone your authentic self and they are unable to reciprocate your feelings, then in the end you will have no regrets in trying. In a similar manner, acting arrogant or overconfident is also unattractive because it is an overcompensation in trying to conceal a dislike for oneself or deep-seated insecurity. The most admirable course of action is to acknowledge but reduce importance to the outcome and simply do your best in any given moment.

Summary

  1. Take them off the pedestal
  2. Focus on you and becoming the highest version of yourself
  3. You become attractive once you are secure enough to offer yourself to the world
  4. Once you are calm at the thought of being with them, you are ready
  5. When they arrive, be genuine
  6. When you are being genuine you have nothing to lose and everything to gain whether it works out or not

Disclaimer:
The content provided above is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. The suggestions and recommendations offered are based on general observations and personal experiences. Individual circumstances may vary, and it is essential to consider your unique situation before making decisions. The author is not a licensed relationship or mental health professional, and readers are encouraged to seek professional guidance for specific concerns. The content does not guarantee any specific outcomes, and the author is not responsible for any consequences resulting from the implementation of the suggestions provided. Always consult with qualified professionals for advice tailored to your individual needs.

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