I have come to realize that men and women think very differently. If you are a man reading this article with the goal of understanding women better, then I welcome you. You have come to the right place because I know of too many instances of men asking other men for advice regarding women and being told things that, from a woman’s perspective, sound like they only apply in outer space. Here are some simple, though not necessarily intuitive, answers to common situations faced by men:
1. If in doubt, get her the flowers
Situation: A man is going on a date with a woman he likes. He asks his friend if he should get her flowers, to which his friend replies, ‘Why would you get her flowers for? That’s doing a bit much; she might think you are desperate, and also, why would you spend the money for it?’ Initially, he thought it was a good idea that would make her happy, but now he is second-guessing himself.
Interpretation: Whether it’s a friend or a family member, no matter who you ask for an opinion, the answer they give you will always come from their perspective, which has been passed through multiple filters such as negative and positive past personal experience. Basically, they are going to project how they feel about the situation onto you, which is not necessarily the right or most productive answer. Two lessons to be learned here:
- Never take someone’s word for it; that is, come up with your own opinion.
- If you think it will make her happy, get her the flowers.
Pure good intention can only produce positive reactions. If you are getting someone flowers as a way to manipulate them, then that is a different story.
If she does not appreciate the flowers, then you have not wasted money or effort; rather, you have dodged yourself a bullet for a small price.
2. Don’t give an insecure woman advice, give her compliments
Knowing this is going to resolve a large number of relationship problems. You’re welcome. Basically, if your woman tells you she feels ugly, fat, or insecure;
DON’T:
Tell her she just needs to hit the gym, give her advice, or tell her to change anything for that matter.
DO:
Listen to what she is saying without trying to come up with a solution. Give her a genuine compliment, such as ‘Well, I think you look beautiful’ to remedy what she is ACTUALLY trying to say: ‘I feel insecure.’
WHY:
I know it sounds like advice that doesn’t make any sense, and yes, women (as with anyone) who project their insecurities are seeking external validation and need to work on themselves. But actually, in a case like this, she already knows what she needs to do; she is just not feeling confident enough in herself and just wants someone who will listen and show unconditional love. Keep this additional knowledge in your pocket; it will save you a lot of wasted energy: ONLY give advice when people specifically ASK for it.
*Note: Obviously, you can choose not to date someone who is insecure because being asked to validate someone all the time can get pretty annoying, but I’m just here to give practical tips for your benefit.
3. Maybe she expects you to pay for the date, or not.
Men tell me they are confused, and I don’t blame them, to be honest. Personally, I expect a man to pay for ALL the dates. This is how I was raised, and people might think this is a mentality from the 1950s, but I believe that men and women are equal, though NOT the same. We each bring different things to the table, and in relationships where women give birth, raise children, and primarily take care of the household, this is as fair a contribution as a man going to work to bring home money. I suspect a large amount of inequality comes from society placing money on a pedestal, but I digress.
It is 2024 at the time of writing this article, and relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and people have a right to their own ideologies. I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND attempting to pay for the first date since typically, women will pay for themselves if they don’t plan on seeing you again (think of it like avoiding debt). BUT it is an even better idea to just ask. I had a man tell me he was worried women nowadays would get turned off if a man tries to pull out her chair or pay for everything because most women make their own money now and prefer to be independent. Here’s the fix: during your date, make sure to say,
‘How does it make you feel when a man pays for things?’
That’s it. Then you will have your answer.
4. She does NOT find it attractive when you brag about female attention
If there is a particular lady you have in mind, best believe she does not find it attractive when you are surrounded by lots of women. Maybe between men, it’s a flex, but to a respectable woman, it is a huge turn-off. If you are someone who gets their ego boosted by having lots of female attention, thinking that the one you want is sure to be impressed with how outgoing you are, then I hate to break it to you, but this is what she is thinking when you post those photos of yourself in a harem:
‘Eww, gross’
‘He seems like he lacks discernment and plays around’
‘That is not a man; that is a little boy’
Plus words like:
- Arrogant
- Attention-seeking
- Untrustworthy
- Disloyal
Think of this situation as a two-way street; most men will also nope-out pretty quickly upon seeing an attractive woman surrounded by a male circle of friends because there is a 100% chance of at least one of them being into her.
5. No, she is not going to make the first move
This one is for the daydreamers out there and the guys who think ‘I want a girl who will make the first move’; first of all, grow some balls. Second of all, wake up and stop daydreaming. The most admirable thing about masculinity is assertiveness, confidence, and just the overall ‘doing’ aspect. If you have your gaze on a pretty girl, best believe nothing will happen unless you muster up the courage to approach her. Sure, she might leave hints here and there for you to notice; such as asking her friends about you or coming off as particularly shy, but don’t expect much. You want the girl to literally ‘Get out of your head and into your arms’? Do this:
- Build confidence by learning to like yourself
- Realize you have nothing to lose
- Make a move by finding a way to talk to her
I go a bit deeper into this in my article How to Get Your Crush to Like you Back by Doing the Opposite. But yeah, good luck! ☺
Additional rule #6. *IMPORTANT*
When you are making the first move, NEVER EVER EVER start with unsolicited touching. I don’t care if you think it’s a good idea because you feel confident in the moment, assume she will like it based on her character, or saw a scene from a movie and thought it was the slickest move ever. ALWAYS make the first move by TALKING to her. If you want to make a move by holding her hand, then just look at her and say ‘Mind if I hold your hand?’ It is NOT a turn off to ask first. It is a huge TURN ON. Why? Because she will think you are the most respectable, gentleman-like person ever.
Even if you have good intentions, any physical touch made without consent is harassment. It is 2024, and I still hear too many cases of my own female friends feeling violated and having to turn down guys they were actually attracted to in the beginning because of some untasteful moves made on her. So I will make it nice and clear for you because obviously no one wants to turn off their crush, let alone catch a case.
DO NOT:
- Hold her hand without permission
- Hug her without permission
- Kiss her without permission
DO:
Ask for permission or consent – It literally takes two seconds, so you have no excuse.
E.g., ‘Can I insert affectionate physical action here?’
That’s it.
Disclaimer:
The content in “A Man’s Quick Guide to Interpreting Women – By a Woman” reflects the author’s personal opinions and experiences for general advice and entertainment. The guide is not a substitute for professional advice, and readers are encouraged to use their discretion and seek qualified help for specific situations. The author is not an expert in relationships, and perspectives on gender dynamics may vary. Readers should consider alternative viewpoints and be aware that decisions made based on the guide are at their own discretion. The author disclaims any liability for outcomes resulting from the implementation of suggested advice. Readers are encouraged to approach the guide with an open mind, engage in respectful discussions, and be aware that the content may not represent every perspective on relationships. By reading and applying the information, readers acknowledge and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
